TheRealKittyD is our resident workshop wizard over on the official Pornhub Discord. With nearly a decade of experience in the online sex work world, Kitty’s workshops discuss sex work openly and honestly, with an emphasis on positivity that comes from exploring your true self.
Kitty, who was recently featured in a Model Citizen's blog, hosted a workshop on self-esteem and sex work. We’re passing the reigns to Kitty to share words of wisdom and answer some frequently asked questions. This is definitely the pep talk you need if you're in a winter rut!
Hi everyone! Kitty here. Building self-esteem doesn’t happen overnight, but I can’t think of a better way to slingshot yourself into your true self than sex work.
Sex work really is unique in the way that it allows us to explore life (and ourselves!) in the comfort of our own home, on our own time and in our own way. There is no limit to the things you can create, and you will get to know yourself on a whole new level.
Q: Where do I start if I am too shy?
There are exercises you can do if you’re shy! The best place to start is by making content. I say this because you can do this privately by yourself, however you want to do it. Do trial runs for yourself; try different angles, lighting, toys, outfits, and take a whole bunch of pictures, take videos, and make erotic voice recordings. After you have done this, you’ll know which “style” of content making you prefer. Go through the content and see if there is anything that you think you would want to post. And if there isn’t, (we have all been there) you can try again! You will be surprised at the “YOU” that shines through when you let the stress of life go for a little while to get to know yourself. You do NOT have to post ANYTHING that you don’t want to. Nobody will see the content you create without you uploading it, so don’t be scared to try something.
Q: How do you get over feeling discouraged or unsure?
You have the ability to break out of your shell on your own terms. Take your time. Sex work is not going anywhere, and it will be there for you when you are ready. Make it something you are proud of, try something new, try something you have always wanted to! You have the freedom to make this your own, and the freedom to share as much or as little of that as you like!
Q: How do I get in the mood to shoot content when feeling uninspired?
Remember that you’re doing this for YOU. Have a little “me time”: get dressed up, put some music on, turn the lights down and just have a good time with yourself! This really does help you build confidence. It’ll help set you on a creative path because as you do this you will figure out what you are most comfortable with, what you like and what makes you feel sexy. That will also change over time as you grow surer of yourself, and that’s OK!
Q: What’s an underrated way to increase self-esteem.
Sex work allows you to really be in charge and be your own boss. This includes learning time management, marketing, content production, editing, etc. This is not easy! Getting the hang of it and succeeding at it is huge for building self-esteem. It teaches you how to structure your life, AND it’s another aspect you succeeded at besides just filming the actual content.
Q: How do you deal with trolls or negative comments?
I know that it’s not an easy thing to just ignore, but it IS important to remember that trolls are just that…trolls. They are out to bring people down because they are unhappy in their own lives. Nobody is immune to negative comments. You can be the kindest more generous and caring person on earth, and someone will try to get under your skin.
After 8 years of dealing with this I have found the best way to deal with it is to not play into it. Ignore it. I promise that dealing with trolls in this way will help you in the future, and that’s not only true for sex work.
Trolls and generally mean people HATE nothing more than to not be acknowledged for their actions, you not giving them the time of day is the best defense you could possibly have.
It’s important to remember that nasty comments people make online have absolutely no impact on your life, they do not need to have a spot in your mind to live rent free. Always stay true to yourself, keep your eye on the prize and know in your heart that your own happiness is in your own hands. Never rely on someone else to give you the life you want, go out and get that shit! As Tywin Lannister said, “A lion doesn’t concern himself with the opinions of sheep”. So be a lion, be a dragon, be whatever and whoever you strive to be and let yourself live your best life!
Q: How to navigate clients that are asking for content you’re not comfortable with?
Do not make content you don’t want to. It will show in your videos/photos and compromise the quality of your work and your reputation as a content creator.
Q: How do you avoid getting obsessed with stats in an unhealthy way?
We all start somewhere, and we all start at zero! Perspective is important; it's better to see your view count as “wow I got 10 views! Ten whole people looked at this!” vs. “I only got 10 views :(”. Let those ten be your motivation to get another ten!
It’s easy to get lost in the shuffle of the industry, but it’s important to remember why you do it. People often forget how much power they have and that it’s OKAY not to be perfect. I like to remind everyone that:
- It’s okay to make content that doesn't look amazing. This isn’t a reflection of you being a bad model/ bad cam girl. It means you’re trying. The most famous artist you can think of did not become like that overnight or without countless hours of practice. Sex work takes skill - work on your craft and be proud of it.
- We were all nervous at first and pushing that upload button is scary! Take your time.
- If you make some content and don’t feel you are ready, that’s ok! Hang on to it, make more just for you, or give yourself a break. Nobody is perfect and nobody takes good pics every time. Seriously, I get like 1 OK photo out of every 10, if at that! I’ve been in this for years and I re shoot vids several times or edit multiple ones together when I can. We all do it!
Remember that you are good enough, you are wonderful and beautiful. You can do this! You can do the hell out of this!! We all need to remind ourselves of this from time to time. Find what works for you. On this journey you will find your soul and it will never hide from yourself again. I promise you. Make it what you want, you control your own artistic output with this, make what makes you happy. what makes YOU feel sexy. Do it for YOU.
Keep up with TheRealKittyD on Twitter: @KD4MeBB
Do you have questions for Kitty or suggestion for a workshop topic? Drop it in the comments below!
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